Religion and flying

You know how you occasionally get evangelists on street corners calling on sinners to repent and go to their church?

I’ve often wondered how many people they actually sign up through that sort of activity and decided it must be nil. that’s not the point. The point is to help those proselytising feel all virtuous.

I hitched a ride with some evangelists to Sweetwaters once (jeez that dates me). Didn’t realise they were Bible freaks until I got into the car and they started singing.

They were meeting up with a whole bunch of other evangelical types at Sweetwaters and running tents with big signs saying “come and have a cup of tea and a talk about Jesus”.

I doubt very much they made any converts but at after three days of being surrounded by drunk stoned people they felt extremely pleased with themselves. Which was of course the whole point.

But if these groups REALLY wanted to sign up converts they would concentrate on getting people in more fraught situations.

Specifically, if they put recruiting agents on flights into Wellington during a rough patch they’d fill the pews in no time.

During the rough approaches – and yes I’ve just had one – I know I convert to about half a dozen religions in the five minutes before landing. I promise to be a Better Person and obey the Golden Rule.

ANY bloody Golden Rule.

Just get us down in one bit without turning into a fireball on the runway.

Today’s effort was actually pretty smooth until just before we got to the parapet on the south side. the plane then got flung around like a child’s toy, the jets went on and we were going up up up, still being buffeted around like a pea in a Welsh ref’s whistle.

A woman across the aisle was complaining they weren’t telling us what was going on and I was saying “fine, let them concentrate on what they are doing, and by the way I’ve just been talking to Allah/Bhudda/krishna/Jesus/Jehovah/Vishnu/Brian and they all say hi.”

BTW, have you noticed the captains on Qantas all have names like Macintosh or McPherson or McDougall? I reckon none of them use their real name and there’s some staff in-joke about using Scottish names.

They got us down in the end, the stewardess saying “welcome to Wellington” and then being interrupted by applause.

I’ve also decided the real reason cabin crew staff go and sit around the corner on those little fold-out seats during landings.

Nothing to do with safety.

They’re hiding from the passengers.

It’s so they don’t get demands along the lines of “I know you have a drinks trolley up there and I need a brandy NOW.”

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