Lax Sexual Practices – the parties respond

How to deal with the crucial policy issue of the 2005 election, that of Lax Sexual Practices has been put by this blog to the main political parties.

Remember – we talk to these people so you don’t have to.

All are taking it very seriously now we’ve got this silly tax stuff out of the way, and broadly speaking, the approach reflects the political philosophy of the parties involved.

Those on the Left view Lax Sexual Practices as an unfortunate legacy of the 1990s which needs to be addressed by government action and truckloads of lecturing, finger wagging and general guilt.

Those on the Right say such practices should be left to the invisible hand and trickle down; and, by the way, the party is at their place.

New Zealand First demanded to know who was asking, and why, and whether the other parties were being asked about their preferences as regards Lax Sexual Practices. It says the most lax are immigrants and journalists who print scurrilous stories without a skerrick of evidence: the least lax are decent hard working New Zealanders over about 60.

United Future is looking for a Sexual Practices Party to merge with. There must be one somewhere.

The Maori Party believe Sexual Practices are protected by Article III of the Treaty, which covers taonga, or nappies, and that any laxness is due to colonisation.

The Greens are against Lax Sexual Practices as they might lead to free trade. Sue Kedgely is to be in charge of lecturing us on which foods contribute to Lax Sexual Practices.

Act, meanwhile, says any problems there are with Lax Sexual Practices are entirely up to the individual, and in any case will be cured by a tax cut. And a deal with National in Epsom. Real soon. Please.

Labour will set up a Task Force on Lax Sexual Practices which will then recommend a strategy which will be implemented in a whole of government fashion. It will be included in the Growth and Innovation Strategy. Probably a one-stop-shop will be involved. It will deliver this strategy through targeted relief aiming at families and spend billions on it, but in a non-inflationary way.

National is going to have a policy on Lax Sexual Practices but it doesn’t want to shout it as there are women involved.

Lax Sexual Practices

The nation is indebted to Graeme and Annabel Woodfield, who, in a letter to the editor of the Herald today, outline the big issue facing New Zealand.

Lax sexual practices.

“But what political party is prepared to advocate a tightening of our lax sexual practices?” they write. “We urgently need enlightened leadership and less publicity for immorality. But how?”

New Zealand owes the Woodfields a great debt of gratitude for this cry from the heart. Unfortunately though, they do not specify what these lax sexual practices might be.

I have a few ideas, but I am reluctant to engage in idle speculation. In any case, I am always willing to learn more.

New Zealand is crying out for leadership in this area. We desperately need to know more about these lax sexual practices.

The Woodfields need to finish what they have begun. Perhaps a good starting point – and because the best leadership is by example – the Woodfields need to demonstrate to the rest of us what non-lax sexual practices might be.

This is no time to be squeamish.

This is a time for leadership.